spaiku | i've created a monster

i wanna start doing my own thing again. i'm so fucking sick of drawing fanart my eyes could fall out and i'd eat off my fingers in desparation... um, whatever that means. but really. no. i'd love to go off on my own. like when i first started drawing i was complete crap [i still am, but believe me, not as crappy as before] but i was just doing my own thing and i was so happy. now when i draw sometimes it's like *STRESS! is itokay? doesna'jdkjklsdjfklasdfj!?!?!* and i'd just wanna get away from that.
i just need to keep off my lazy ass or i'll never get anything done.
something with the number four, perhaps?